Insecured
by Mia Desiree
Summary: In which Martin realized something wrong in the nature of their relationship and his stubborn girlfriend makes it harder for them to talk properly. Set during Wokingham.


_This idea just came to me suddenly and I spend the whole night writing it. Enjoy it and don't forget to leave feedback!_

_I actually don't own anything except my character, Emma._

* * *

Once they were landed in Fitton, Martin quickly ran away from the plane into his van, disregarding Carolyn's shout. It was fortunate that the traffic wasn't horrible at that time on his way to Workingham. He immediately went to the room one of the nurses pointed out and sighed a slight relief to see his mother was still alive and looked quite well, but slightly tired.

Martin was completely relieved when the doctor said it wasn't a heart attack. Though he wanted to keep his mother for few days and as always, his mother refused to do so, not wanting to be a bother to everyone else. Knowing his mother for a few years now, the doctor reluctantly let her leave the hospital, as long as someone was there to keep an eye on her. Which meant it fell into his and Caitlyn's responsibilities to take care of their mother.

He almost jumped in fright when his phone was suddenly ringing. Thinking it might be from his other job, Martin quickly answered without looking at the screen, "Martin Crieff, hello."

"_Martin? Where __**are**__ you?"_

Martin groaned when he looked at the clock. He was supposed to meet her an hour ago and he forgot to cancel it. "Hey, Emma. I'm so sorry."

"_Are you alright? You sound… anxious?"_

"I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm in hospital-"

"_-what? Are you alright? Did you get into accident? Which hospital are you in? I'm coming there. I can't believe that brother of mine didn't even call me! Is he alright too?"_

"N-no! No, it's not me! It's my mother," Martin glanced at his sister finished helping her mother on changing out from her hospital gown. "she had a heart attack. I'll stay with her for awhile to take care of her. I'm so sorry. We have to reschedule our date."

"_Oh dear, is she alright? Do you need me to be there with you?"_

"NO, YOU CAN'T!" Martin quickly said, before realizing on what had just transpired. "I-I mean-"

"_Fine."_

He groaned when he heard the other line shut, knowing what he had just done. He should really think first before speaking out. With them flying around the world for their job, it would take weeks or even months before they could meet again and he definitely had some groveling to do. Especially since Emma was definitely worse than Douglas when she was on bad mood.

"Martin, who is it?"

"Um-" Now that he thought more about it, this should be a perfect opportunity to introduce them both. Oh why did his mouth run out of control when he's nervous? "no one, just- just a friend."

"Really? I could have sworn you said something about date." His mother asked.

"Date, mother? Martin doesn't have time to date with his job. No one can stand being left alone most of the time. Isn't it right, Martin?" His sister said, in a slight snide tone.

Martin rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever, are you all set? Shall we go then?"

-o0o-

Twelve hours later and there was no phone call or text from Emma. She was scheduled to leave for New York tonight and he couldn't meet her because he needed to fly somewhere today. He left her few messages and text full of apologize, of course, which she seemed to ignore. His mother didn't really help him much by trying to move around when the doctor specifically said that she had to have a complete rest. To be honest, Martin was quite surprised that their relationship survived until now. She was not a patient woman, from what he gathered, and they rarely met each other. Hell, if they could meet more than once a month, it was quite a miracle.

Which was why he was hesitant to tell his mother about her. He didn't know exactly the nature of their relationship. Were they really in a serious relationship? Or were these just a fling of passion whenever they could meet? They did exchange texts or calls sometimes. But could he really say that she was his girlfriend? He liked her, of course. One was hardly able to sustain such relationship without developing a feeling to the other. And by god, did he fall for her on the first time they met. He even rejected a princess for her. A real princess, from Liechtenstein. And he didn't even know whether Emma actually loved him or not. He went on a date with the princess but all his mind could think was about Emma.

There was no one he could ask for an advice and certainly not Douglas. Not because that man often gave him ridiculous advice, but because he's her brother. Of all people he could fall in love with, it had to be Douglas' little sister. Douglas even had made it clear that he didn't want any detail on their relationship and certainly would not help Martin to 'seduce' his little sister, bloody witch she might be. He was tempted to ask advice from Herc but that man was just another version of Douglas and Martin actually doubted his sanity since he fell in love with Carolyn. To be honest, he should have questioned his own sanity. Emma, in a sense, was a younger version of Carolyn and Douglas.

"Martin? Maartiin?"

"Hm, yeah! Hello, Yes, I'm awake!"

Carolyn threw him a look, "Martin, are you fit to fly?"

"Hm?" Martin yawned again. Twelve hours of taking care of his mother and his side job and then worrying over Emma's reaction was taking toll of him. "Yes, just um… six hours with mum not being any trouble and six hour with man with a van and plane somewhere in between."

"No, you're not. You're going home and sleep. Douglas and I will take care of it."

At least it was a good thing that he came to work that day. Carolyn managed to get Arthur to help his mother so that he could have more rest in between his two jobs. It was a brilliant idea, actually, to send Arthur. Heaven knew how that man wanted to help everybody not caring if they actually needed his help or not. A perfect solution for his mother who didn't want to bother anyone. Now he could rest and maybe tried to meet Emma again before her flight.

"Dear Lord Martin, you look terrible."

"Yeah, yeah. I know." Martin paused slightly, "Douglas."

"Hm?"

"Did… you hear something from Emma?"

Douglas looked up, "I thought I said I didn't particularly interested in your relationship with my little witch sister, Martin."

"Yes, yes, I know, it's just… I think I made her mad."

"Did you?" Suddenly Douglas looked so pleased, "well done, you."

"Douglas, I really need your help in this."

Douglas sighed before complying. There was no need to make this young man hurt himself from thinking too much. Well, at least not when his mother was ill. It would be terrible for him to drive Martin into insanity at this moment. "There is nothing you could do, Martin. Let her calm down. If you pushed her into corner, she would lash back at you like an angry kitten."

"Fine. I just don't want to wait until few weeks before we can meet again, if she still wants to meet me again. What if she meets someone else in her trip and decides he's better than me, Douglas? I mean, all men are better than me. For her to still keep a relationship with me when there are many better options is… surprising actually."

"And there is better option for you than that witch. Trust me on this."

Martin paused again, "did she… ever tell you about me?"

"Rubbed it in my face every chance she got, which is why I don't want to hear it from you too."

"Really? Um, what did she say about me?"

Douglas scrunched his face, "nothing that worth replaying to you."

"Oh come on! Did she say… how she feels about me?"

"Far too much that I can handle, actually."

Martin stared at his first officer expectantly. "Well? What did she say?"

"Dear God, Martin. Ask her yourself."

"I can't! She's just…. She's like a combination of you and Carolyn. I can't just ask her like that." Martin hissed at him.

"Martin, I'm her older brother by ten years and I can't even make her follow me ever since she could talk and walk. I'm afraid you are on your own now."

And that was what Martin was afraid of.

-o0o-

There should be a limit on how long people could hold grudge. Now that he could think properly after a long well deserved rest, she did not have the right to be angry. Yes, he was rather snappy to reject her offer, but what could he do? He just gotten out from a long flight only to find out that his mother, his _only_ parent, had a heart attack and was in a hospital. That, he believed, justified his action. So she couldn't be angry at him for that…. could she?

He knew how independent she was, taking control on everything she could get her hand on. That was what made him attracted to her. She handled everything in cold hand without anyone's help and he admired that. He transpired to be that kind of man. He knew he was far from it now, seeing how she constantly helped him with most of his problems, including scolding Douglas whenever she had the chance. Now that he was thinking about it, they didn't exactly have the relationship a couple should have, did they. She smothered him, making sure he was perfectly safe, like a mother would and he… he didn't even do anything for her, well except for sex. Oh dear God, was that how he actually was to her? Someone to have sex with?

Martin quickly took his phone and called her office number in New York, wanting to clarify everything. He didn't care if she was still angry at him. He never demanded anything from her before. "Emma Richardson's office."

"Lena, hi, this- this is Martin."

"_Oh, Captain Crieff, how may I help you?"_

"Um, is Emma there?"

"_Yes, she is. Do you want me to put you through?"_

"If she's not busy, please."

He waited for a moment before he heard her voice from the other line.

"_I gave you this number not for you to call when it's convenient, Martin."_

"W-well… Well, you didn't answer your phone."

"_I'm busy."_

"No, you're not. Lena wouldn't put me through if you're very busy."

"_Well I'm actually busy enough to shut this call."_

Martin closed his eyes in exasperation. _Every _time. Every time they had a tiniest argument, he was not allowed to apologize on his own. "I'm trying to apologize in here, Emma," he gritted.

"_I don't need it. Is that all?"_

He didn't know what suddenly made him so bold. Perhaps it was all the constant pressure from Carolyn or constant teasing from Douglas or exhaustion from trying to keep his mother from having another heart attack. "No, that is not all," his voice sounded commanding and firm, "I'm not having you being childish like this. Not when I'm actually need you to be support-"

"_-you refused to have me around, remember?"_

"I'm talking here, Emma!" he snapped back, causing her to gasp in shock from other line, "My mother just had a heart attack and I was panicked. I admit I was coming out too strong and I tried to call you afterwards. But no, everything has to be according to what Emma Richardson wants, isn't it? Can't you, for _once_, stop being so- so arrogant and be a girlfriend you're supposed to be?"

"_I don't recall __**you**__ being a boyfriend you're supposed to be. Tell me one time when you're actually taking care of me instead the other way around, Martin? No, hm? I'm the one in charge on our relationship so stop trying to take over."_

"Is that all I am to you?" Martin shocked at the revelation, "someone to have sex with?"

"_What? Martin-"_

"N-no, I- I get it. Yeah, I get it. I mean, what else would you want me for? I have nothing, I'm a captain with no salary and have a delivery service with his van to pay himself. I- I live in an attic with a house full of students. I- I can't get you anything, at all, when I barely able to feed myself."

"_No, Martin, it's not-"_

"A sex friend, huh?" Martin laughed humorlessly, as tears threatened to spill out, "God, I'm such a fool."

"_Martin." _She paused slightly, _"Martin, I'm not saying- I don't mean-"_

"Fine. Fine. Sorry for wasting your time."

"_Mart-"_

He almost threw his phone, had he not realized he wouldn't have enough money to replace it. Now that he could think clearly again, he stared at his phone in horror. Did he just make a long international call with his personal phone? His face paled when he calculated the next phone bill he had to pay. Stupid, stupid him. Not only did he found out that Emma only wanted him for sex, he just landed himself with a huge bill for next month. One that he might not be able to pay.

Stupid old Martin.

-o0o-

Emma screamed in frustration when she was thinking of Martin again. It had been few days since his last call, which ended up in another argument; one that she believed would end their relationship forever. How did he even think of that? A sex friend? Of all things he could think of, that bloody naïve man! She gripped her hair, trying not to frustrate herself more. Her CEO had reprimanded her that she was being unprofessional lately.

Alright, maybe she was overreacting. Maybe Martin was correct saying that she was trying to take control everything without letting him to help her in the slightest. But how could she not be? That was all she did her whole life, controlling every aspect of her life so that no one could topple her over. Fine. She should have noticed the situation right away. Martin was never a calm one under pressure and rather easily panicked if something went wrong. He might be very scarred when he heard his mother had a heart attack and then she was bitching out on how he refused to let her meet his family. Not that she minded. She hated having to be nice to people, but this Martin's family. She would have thought that after few months, they were getting into a point where he introduced her to his family.

Just when did she fall in love with someone so deep that slight rejection from that person made her curled up in her bed and cried? She was Emma Richardson, for God's sake. No one in this world mattered enough for her to mind herself around them and this man…. This man with a van from Workingham could warm his way into her life and rile her up easily. She didn't even know whether this man actually loved her or not. Yes, they did meet whenever they were in the same city. Yes, they always called or text each other whenever they could. And dear God yes, he was definitely the best in bed. But that was just it. They never talked about their feelings with each other. She didn't even know whether she should refer him as her boyfriend or not. How could they, when all they did every time they met was went straight to sex and fell asleep from exhaustion afterwards. They never had a proper date _ever_.

Maybe that was why Martin thought she only wanted him around for sex.

"Emma?"

Emma startled when she saw her secretary standing on her office's doorway. "Yes, Lena. Is there something you need?"

"I just want to know if you're going to return to England or not for this week."

She glanced to the picture of her and Martin framed on her desk. Should she? She didn't contact him anymore since the call. Might as well announce it to the world that she was breaking up with him, judging how their conversation ended. But she didn't. She wouldn't do it. Not to Martin. But then, who wouldn't say Martin won't draw that conclusion? She was not stupid and ignorant. She knew Martin had a date once with Princess of Liechtenstein, something that her brother loved to rub in her face. He might have gone to that princess now, since she ignored him completely.

"I…"

Suddenly her phone pinged, indicating that she had a new text. Hoping it was from Martin, she quickly opened the text only to find out it was from her brother. She scowled and almost deleted the text when a word attracted her attention.

_As much as I hate to say it, I don't like seeing the man my sister dating is being ridiculed by his older brother so we're going to Martin's mother's house in Sunday. Coming?_

Emma stared at the text in confusion. His older brother? Martin never told her of his siblings at all. She pursed her lips, perhaps it would be better if she just kept a distance between them and waited what might happen.

Then another text coming up on her phone again.

_And stop avoiding him, would you? He's already panicked that his mother had a heart attack. Don't need you to add it up. Even I'm not that heartless to him._

And she immediately knew what she needed to do.

"Lena, book me a flight home, would you? I need to go to Wokingham on Sunday."

As much as she hated to admit, her brother was right. She was not being supportive to him right now. What sort of girlfriend she was not to be there when her boyfriend's mother was ill? And since when did she need permission to do something? If she wanted to be with her boyfriend and helped taking care of his mother, then she would be.

Boyfriend. Her boyfriend.

Emma grinned. That's something she could live with.

-o0o-

Martin couldn't stop grinning when Douglas and Carolyn managed to ridicule Simon until he couldn't speak. That felt REALLY amazing! He sipped his tea rather cheerfully, watching how silent Simon was now. Oh how glad he was to have both of them on his side now. Usually he was on their receiving end but now… now he knew why they loved teasing and ridiculing everyone else. It felt good!

A loud ringing from the front door stopped him. Arthur quickly went to open the door. Martin looked around in confusion, didn't expect someone to come at this day, as did his siblings it seemed.

"Emma, hi! Wow, didn't expect you to come here too!"

Martin's eyes widened in surprise, hearing her name. He immediately turned to Douglas who winked back at him.

"Arthur? I- Did I get the wrong address? I thought this is Martin's mother's house."

"Oh yeah, we were just here to wish her well before flying out again. Come in!"

"Who is it, Arthur?" Wendy asked again.

Arthur came in the living room with a woman holding flower bucket Wendy never met before. She was about to ask again when her younger son walked towards them in a slight trance.

"Hello, I was just landed from New York this morning." the woman greeted softly, "you weren't at home when I came so I thought you might still with your mother." She looked up to stare right to his eyes, "I'm sorry I took long to come."

Both of them knew what she tried to imply. _I'm sorry for being angry at you._

Martin felt his mouth too dry to come up with a reply. He thought their relationship was ended after their last conversation. She didn't contact him afterwards and he thought she didn't want to see him anymore. He thought she would have found someone else by now. After all, wasn't that how they become involved? Just by a brief encounter in his van and they spent the night together afterwards. But she was here, really here, in front of him, clearly guilty on what she said on their last phone calls. So he could only do what his mind could think of. He put his hand on her waist, pulled her close to him, before leaning down to kiss her. He felt her lips curved upwards as she kissed back, sneaking her hand around his neck.

"Good God," Douglas muttered in slight disgust. This was definitely not what he wanted to see his sister doing.

Emma grinned when they finally parted, feeling her heart lightened up from the kiss. She actually half expected him to ask her to leave and that he was seeing someone else already. "Hello there," she said again, this time with her usual teasing voice.

"Hello," he whispered back, still not believing that she still wanted to meet him again.

"You just kissed me in front of my brother and your whole family."

And that snapped him back to reality and Martin quickly pulled away from her, his face flushed in slight embarrassment. "Um," he cleared his throat, "Mum, Kat, Simon, I would like you to meet my girlfriend, Emma. Emma, this is my mother, Wendy, my sister, Caitlyn, and Simon, my brother."

"Hello," Emma greeted again, "it's nice to finally meet you. I'm sorry for not coming here sooner. I was detained on my work in New York." She said, giving the flower bucket to her boyfriend's mother. "I hope you like this."

"Oh thank you, dear. It's lovely." Wendy said, "Martin, you didn't tell me you have a girlfriend!"

"W-well, I was going to introduce you but you were ill, Mum. I don't think it's quite proper time."

Caitlyn glanced at the woman her brother was dating. She looked like a woman holding quite a prominent position in corporate. "How did you two start dating? Did you stalk her around, Martin?"

"No, I'm not!" Martin gritted. Leave it to Caitlyn to ask something humiliating on him.

"Actually, I'm the one who stalk him around," Emma giggled, kissing his cheek, "he's playing hard to get."

"Ah, Martin, chap. He's not actually playing hard to get. He's just awkward around people. Been like that since elementary. I hope he's not scaring you with his pilot nonsense. He always scares away girls because all he can talk is plane, plane, and plane."

Emma frowned, she really didn't like it when someone else tried to wind him up. She didn't care if it was his brother or Queen of England. Only she was allowed to tease Martin. "Oh, not at all. I actually love it when Martin talks about his flight. He's very passionate about it."

"Well, that's all chap been able to think about. Doesn't care about other more important things."

"I know, isn't that just wonderful?"

Simon opened his mouth but couldn't find a word to reply her. In a way, she was correct. It was indeed wonderful to focus on one thing in their whole life, without others to distract. "W-well, yeah. I suppose you're quite right."

Martin grinned at her and swept another kiss on her cheek. Oh this is just brilliant! He thought he loved I when Douglas and Carolyn ridiculed him but he decided Emma was the best of all. It took her only one sentence to clamp his brother down. This was just the best day of his _ever_. Well, aside from having passed his flying exam. And when his first job as pilot. And the day he met her. Nonetheless, it was one of the best!

-o0o-

Martin let out a blissful sigh as he entangled himself from her and rolled to her side. He glanced to watch her trying to stabilize her breathing before snuggling closer to him. So he was angry for being kept around as sex friend, but it was hard not to jump on her after watching her clamp down his brother and interacted with his mother. Be as all it may, she was just hard to resist.

"I never keep you for sex only, you know." Emma muttered.

He looked down at her, slightly guilty to see sad look on her face. "I-"

"No, please, Martin. Hear me out." She paused, trying to figure out how to tell him without him being nervous wrecked or over reacting, before touching his cheek slightly. "I cried."

"W-what?"

"When you told me I can't come to help you out, I cried. I can't concentrate on my work. I'm out of focus. All I could think of was you didn't want me to meet your family, that you was embarrassed of me."

"B-but-"

"Martin," she rolled her eyes, "I'm trying to confess something to you here. Will you let me speak?"

"Y-yeah, sure, I mean- shutting up."

Emma stared at his rainbow eyes, the one that captivated her from the first time they met. "You're right. I'm a control freak. I just… I was used to control everything, Martin, until I met you. You, a naïve man with a van, just come into my life and easily settle yourself in, and I'm scared of that. I'm scared that if I let you roam around, you might hurt me in the end and I will be completely broken because I let you take control."

"I won't, I can't even get angry to you, Emma. How can you think I will hurt you?"

Emma threw him a look, "so when you went on a date with the Princess, you don't mean to hurt me?"

"W-what? How did- You're not supposed to know about it! I- Oh God, is this a revenge? Did you snap at me like that because I went on a date with Theresa? I promise you, nothing happened! I can't do that to you! I mean, I- Oh God, did I hurt you because of that?"

A giggle escaped her lips. She could never keep a straight face around him. "Oh Martin," Emma lifted herself up to straddle him, her hand pressed on his bare chest, "don't worry. I know you're going out with her because she helped you out with Carolyn. I'm _not _angry because of that." She moved her hand slowly to his shoulder before moving down his arm and touched his hand slightly. Her eyes trained on his own when she guided his hand moving up on her thigh, stomach, before resting over where her heart was. "Can you hear it? You're the only one who can make my heart beating hard like this."

Martin glanced down to where his hand was and then back to her heart. "But I have nothing. I can't give you this life. There are many men better than me, more successful than me. Why do you choose me then?"

So it all came to this. After playing around for few months, they had to come back to this question. Why? Of all people they met, why did they choose each other? Emma bit her lips, she knew the answer of course, the best answer for this question, but would she dare to say it? She never was the first one to say it because she knew it would give the other advantages. But this was Martin. This was someone naïve enough to let her take a rest from endless mind tricking.

Martin felt his heart dropped when she gave him no answer and looked away from her. He tried to forget their last conversation, struggled to remind himself that they were not on their right mind when they had it. But he couldn't stop his mind. He couldn't stop thinking the worst scenario on what might happen now. All ended with him being thrown out and no girlfriend, and he didn't want that. He tried so hard to keep up with her, to please her, that he couldn't give up because of this. She did say she didn't keep him for sex only, didn't she? So he meant something more for her and he desperately wanted to know. He needed to know because he couldn't hide it anymore. He-

"Because I love you."

Martin snapped his head back at her, his mouth opened in surprise, "W-what?" Did he hear it correctly? Did she just say what he thought she said?

Emma paused slight before giving in and smiled. "I love you, you stupid naïve man," she bent down to kiss his lips slowly, "always have, always will."

"Y-you-"

"I love you," she repeated again, chastely kissed his lips twice more. Her hand moved to entangle themselves on his hair as she leaned down, resting her forehead on his.

"You love me?" He whispered, still in shock. "Me? Y-you, you love me?"

"Yes, Martin Crieff, I love you. I'm scared that if I let you in control, you might hurt me, but I was wrong. I tried to control everything and I end up hurting both of us. So this is me, giving up my control because I love you too much to let you go."

It was as if something snapped inside him from hearing her said it for the third time. Martin locked his leg around her, wrapped an arm around her waist, and reversed their position, causing her to squeak in surprise. He didn't give her much time to react when he claimed her lips and pressed his body on her.

_She loves him. Him, Martin Crieff. She really, really loves him._

Emma broke out from their kiss and stopped his hand when he was moving towards her thigh. He stared down at her, confused on why did she stop him. "I might give you complete control on this relationship, Martin, but I think my confession deserves a reply."

"Oh!" He realized that he hadn't said anything yet. Martin smiled as he moved his free hand to touch her wrist slightly, right above her vein, "I love you, Emma," and he couldn't stop grinning when he felt her pulse quickened as she wrapped her arm around his neck and pulled him down for kiss.

He had a girlfriend and she loved him. As Arthur always said, _brilliant._


End file.
